Relationships Matter - Cedric Beckles
The Power of Connection
By Pastor Cedric Beckles
Dec 18, 2009 - 9:23:22 PM

Healthy connections are essential for healthy relationships.  This connection is called intimacy, and contrary to how most think, it is not synonymous with sex although sex is a component of intimacy.  Here are a few words that comprise a working definition of intimacy: closeness, togetherness, friendship, understanding, affection and tenderness.   Every person needs connection (intimacy) because God created humans to connect.  It has been proven that a new born baby may die if there is no nurturing contact with others.  A person who is appropriately connected through significant relationships is well on the way to leading a fulfilled and rewarding life.   

As human beings we long for connection to the point that many tolerate and make effort to sustain obviously unhealthy relationships just for some source of connection.  Have you ever encountered a person in an abusive relationship who defended the abuser by acknowledging that although the person is abusive he/she makes them feel good through some intimate means?  For those of you who are married and serious about your intimacy with your spouse, take the time to honestly answer the following questions. 

Marriage Building Intimacy Questionnaire

Intimacy is based mainly upon feelings of satisfaction or discontentment brought on by met or unmet expectations.  Answering these questions honestly will give your spouse insight into your feelings and vise versa.  Do not react negatively to or defend your behavior at this time.  This is a time of learning and to learn you must listen.     

1.  I feel closest to you when ……  

2.  I am turned off (pull away, disconnected) when you….  

3.  I am most sexually attracted to you when ....  

4.  I wish we would send more time …..  

5.  I feel honored and respected when you …   

6.  I feel dishonored and disrespected when you …  

* 7.  If I have a fear of opening up to you, my fear would be….

* 8.  I do not feel as close to you as I did because…   

9.  The thing I like most about our relationship is ….

10.  List at least two character traits that you admire in our spouse.  

11.  I wish you would understand me a little more when/in (list an area, time, mood etc.)

12.  I am frustrated when you ……….  


Note: Use another paper for your answers.

Editor's Note: Pastor Beckles will be writing a new column for The Bahamas Weekly on relationships called, "Relationships Matter".  We welcome him as our new columnist!

About the author: Cedric Beckles is a pastor, family/marriage counselor, motivational speaker and writer, who equips people  to establish and maintain healthy relationships.  Email bahamaslifeministries@ Tel: 242-352-5268   Fax: 242-352-5252


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