The last few weeks have been hectic. Suitcases lining the walls, new clothes strewn everywhere, packaging tumbling out of wastepaper baskets, last minute doctor’s appointments, dentist appointments, phone calls to family members, last dinner of conch salad, craw fish, peas ‘n rice and guava duff, tearful good byes…..and then….what? Total silence...

You walk into the house and there is no music blaring, no spilt juice on the counter (sorry, I forgot to clean it up Mom!). Their bed is made, the desk is neat, and you feel EMPTY! Your child has gone away to school and the nest is empty. You look for things to do to fill your days.

Haven’t you forgotten something? Your child’s pet is waiting for some long over due attention. You miss your child but what about Spot the dog, or Fluffy the cat, Bubbles the goldfish or Smudge the guinea pig?….I could go on with potential pets left forgotten in the flurry of activity getting everything packed up in time. They miss their owner / friend and don’t understand what’s happened and why they didn’t walk back through the door after school like every other day in the pet’s life. They may even be fretting and refusing their food, have you noticed that they are behaving a little differently lately? THEY miss your child too, and YOU need to help them through this.

Pets can react in different ways when they miss important people in their lives. Some will stop eating and mope around, refusing to do much of anything. On the other hand, other pets may become almost frenetic, whizzing around “looking” for a replacement or the person themselves. Some dogs or cats might intentionally mess in the house as a reaction to the person leaving. Please don’t get mad at them, they are protesting in one of the few ways they know how. Take some time out to do the things that your son or daughter did with them. If the pet is a dog, a nice walk would be a good idea, and when you are watching TV. call them over near you and stroke them gently. (While I am writing this, my son’s Labrador puppy Buddy is lying at my feel, actually ON my feet).

If you have a sad cat lolling around the house, pick it up and let it sit on your chair with you while you read, play a little game with it occasionally. Fish and turtles require less playful time, but do require lots of good maintenance. Do you know how to clean out their tank, and what to feed them? These chores will now fall upon your shoulders and cannot be shirked. The sweet little budgie sitting chirping away in his cage needs fresh water daily, new seed, and clean paper at the bottom of his cage or he won’t be singing sweetly for much longer. The same applies to all and any pets that are left behind when your beloved child goes away to school.

Some children (like my son’s) like to have their dogs sleep on their beds with them, lots of parents don’t. What to do now? Spot has slept on a people bed ever since he was a puppy and your husband has completely nixed it! I found that the best solution was to get a nice bed, semi circular, nest-like and cozy, and put it besides my bed. The first few nights will be reasonably sleepless as the dog will need to be told repeatedly, and gently, that he cannot climb up on to your bed and here is his bed (patting his bed). This will require lots of patience because, remember Spot, has ALWAYS slept on a bed, and why shouldn’t he sleep on yours? You cannot sit Spot down and explain that he is in the way, that there are already TWO people in this bed, and he needs to adapt.

It also requires patience because you are tired. Believe me, when teaching Chief (the yellow potcake) to sleep on the floor, in his lovely nest like bed besides me; I must have woken up 20 times a night initially. Talk about sleep deprivation!   However he, and they all do, learned quickly.   He still sleeps in bed with the boys when they are home, but when he comes to our room he goes to his bed and curls up in it contentedly, in no time at all he is snoring peacefully. Another solution, if the pet will accept it, is to encourage them to continue to sleep on your son or daughter’s bed while they are away. That never worked in this house, I don’t know why.

We know that your child will return for the holidays and will fully expect to find his or her pet in exactly the same condition (or better) that he or she left it in several months before. You have now had a couple of weeks to try your hand at this “solo pet parenting”. If you see that things are just not working out, or the pet is still miserable, or not eating, or behaving erratically, it is definitely time to consult a professional. The pet could be sick or could be pining. Both are conditions that require immediate attention. If you put it off, procrastinate, or dawdle, the pet could die and go explain that to your child.

This now brings me to the unpleasant subject of, what do you do if the pet dies in your care when your child is away from home?  Different people have different approaches to this dilemma. I personally have always told my children the truth, they know if there is a problem with the pet, that I will tell them, therefore they also know that if I say that Spot, Fluffy, or Bubbles is fine, they can relax and believe me. If, heaven forbid, one of them meet their maker in an untimely way, I would pick up the phone and calmly tell then the truth. The child is old enough to go away to school without you at their side. They must be able to accept the unpleasant truth. I cannot think of anything worse to befall a kid, (or even to myself) excited about returning home, to be met by parents at the airport and be informed that Spot, Fluffy, or Bubbles, who they have been looking forward to seeing and holding in their arms actually died several weeks ago and is buried in the back garden. Wham, what a blow to the vacation! Will your kid ever believe you again when they ask “How is my dog” and you say fine? They will always have a nagging concern at the back of their head that you might not be telling them the truth. Now, I am not trying to get tough on you; I know and understand that you are withholding the information in order to protect your child, and to save them from the pain and sorrow, but they will eventually have to know the truth. I had to prepare both my sons for the unavoidable death of Star from cancer, I kept them informed daily as to her condition, when she died I calmly told them on the phone that same evening that she had gone, of course they were sad, but they coped and managed very well.

If you are totally lost in the pet care thing, though perhaps, though a bit like shutting the stable gate AFTER the horse has gone, you should ask your child advice on what to do next. This was something you should have done before your child left, but it is never too late to make amends, your kid will feel involved (don’t admit quite how lost you feel!), he or she can probably give you the advice you need. The pet will be grateful, your life will improve and who knows, you may actually have fun caring for your child’s friend.