Parenting provides the greatest
opportunity
to impact the world by impacting children. God graciously placed
children in the hands of parents, totally helpless, empty brain
(knowledge),
prejudice free and emotionally entangled free. Thus the journey
begins for dad and mom to mold and equip each child to succeed before
God and in a cruel, unrestrained world of people.
Parents are to unconditionally and
totally embrace each child equally, but not necessarily parent each
child in the same manner; the personality of the child determines the
style of parenting needed. Nevertheless, there is however; a common,
destructive, behavior that has almost become part and parcel of
parenting,
and it is favoritism. Before listing the negative results of
favoritism,
it is a reality that the personality of a child can make it much easier
and much more pleasant to interact with than other children in the
family.
Nevertheless, favoritism must be avoided at all cost.
Negative Result so
Favoritism
-
Favoritism can lead to
intense, life long sibling rivalry, sometimes resulting in murder.
-
The pain of rejection experienced
by the non-favorite child can lead to destructive pain numbing
behaviors
like drinking, drug abuse and promiscuity, etc.
-
As parents age, it is not
uncommon for the favorite child to be saddled with the burden to care
for them and to be abundant by the other children.
-
The favored child may has
problems gaining acceptance in other arenas because of a “better-than
thou“attitude with is scorn by others. Favored children cannot
handle being treated equally with other children and usually not able
to measure up because they were never made to earn anything. Rules
were created around them and because of them and for them.
-
Rejected children (those
not the favorite) struggle with low self-esteem, can be withdrawn, and
lack confidence, which can lead to anti-social behavior.
-
Deep seated hated for parents
can haunt children for life.
Favoritism has no healthy place in
parenting because it is destructive. If you do find yourself openly
favoring one child over the other examine yourself and find out why
you are doing it. Make a commitment to love and except all of
your children unconditionally although one may be easier to interact
with than the others. Be careful that you are not rejecting a
child because of the reminders of the unpleasant memories of his/her
other parent. Do not destroy the life of your children because
you have a problem.
About the Author: Cedrick
Beckles is
a pastor,
family/marriage counselor, motivational speaker and writer, who equips
people to establish and
maintain
healthy
relationships. Email bahamaslifeministries@
yahoo.com
Tel:242-352-5268,
or 352-5252
