I just completed the half marathon (Marathon Bahamas)
with my team, the Ripped Chix in Nassau on Valentines Day. It
was a first for 3 out of 5 of us and a first for the token male on our
team we call a “ Ripped Chuck”. Our team members came together
last spring when a seed was planted to participate in the Conchman Sprint
Triathlon in Freeport. With the exception of me, sports activities had
played a minor role in the lives of our team members and certainly none
had ever participated in a Triathlon.
When I came to Freeport nearly
a year ago I was looking to connect with like minded people and have
some fun too. I had no idea what to expect moving from my busy life
in Vancouver, and was completely open to any and all possibilities.
Since I am not working here in Freeport, I have some time on my hands
and it was up to me to make connections and find the fun for myself.
So I joined this group of women to train for a Triathlon. We trained
together at least three times a week between work, travel and weather
patterns. At one point in the summer we had to train at 5:30am to avoid
the unbelievable heat and humidity and even at that time it was close
to unbearable. I had trained for many races and nothing was harder
then running in that heat. There were many times when we didn’t want
to get up early, our legs didn’t want to move one more step, brave
the ocean waves one more time, or sit on that bicycle one more time.
I began to notice that the
very thing that was making it difficult was the very thing that was
holding us together and actually making the training easier. We all
had the common goal, we also had the common challenges, that being keeping
motivated when we wanted to quit, sleep in, eat poorly, or skip a workout.
We found a way to have fun when it was difficult, laugh at ourselves……
a lot, and keep the goal in sight. The more we connected and understood
each other’s individual challenges the more motivated we became.
The motivation came from the connection with each other, the race was
When we successfully completed
the Triathlon, we were on to our next challenge, the Marathon Bahamas half marathon, 13.1 miles. This too had its own unique challenges, building
up to 13 miles takes a toll on the body and mind. In the beginning 30
minutes was as long as most of the team members had run and we had to
build up to running over two hours. We followed a fairly advanced 13
week training program and all successfully completed the race.
What I loved about this experience
was how the emotional connections and our friendship with each
other helped us overcome the physical challenges. The relationships
to each other and our wonderful supportive spouses became more important
than the race itself.
There are countless books written
on how to transform your life, keep motivated, set and successfully
reach goals. Many are based on behavioural tricks, deprivation
often leading to short term changes.
Relationship is the most important
component of transforming anything in you life. Whatever you chose to
do, participate in a race, learn how to cook or raise money for
Haiti, you can accomplish anything if you have an open mind, passion,
laughter, and most importantly loving friendships.
Be the change you wish to see
in the world
I love Valentine’s Day
but my wife does not. I love the idea of spoiling her and making the
day special but she is not interested at all. I still made a special
dinner for her but her attitude puts a damper on my day and my effort.
What can I do for next year so I can still celebrate without it ruining
the day I love.
Wow, many women would sure be
happy that you love to celebrate Valentine’s day and spoil your wife
like you do. She is lucky to have you show your love for her as you
Of course there is nothing you
can do to make her feel any different about Valentine’s Day. What
you can do is ask her how she feels about the day and be open and understanding
of her feelings. Often people feel pressure on that day to feel more
love then they actually feel in the moment and the can kill any or all
The questions for you to think
about are, do you have any expectations for that day? Is any of your
celebration connected in any way with you getting something, more love
from her, intimacy, or something that is going to make you feel good
about yourself? What is your intention in giving her a special Valentine’s
If we have any expectations
to get love from anyone we will surely be disappointed. If we have expectations
about how that love should look, we will also be disappointed. Love
is an inside job, no matter what another person does or says if we do
not believe it inside ourselves it will not make us satisfied, and we
will always be looking for ways to feel it, to get it from another person.
Valentine’s day can be a nice
day to appreciate the people in our life that we love, it can
also be a day that is filled with superficial and expensive expressions
What would it be like for you
to give your wife some of that energy you put into one day and spread
it out to the other 364 days, without expectations, and with some fun
too. Everyday and every moment is an opportunity to show someone how
important they are, seize the day…everyday!
I am single and 45 years
old, I have never been married, I have a full social life, a great job,
I date,I have tried dating sites but I do not seem to be able to connect
with any of the men I have met. Do you have any suggestions on
what I can do to meet someone, is there something I am missing here?
It sounds like you are out there
and mixing with people but possibly you are unsure of what kind of man
you would like to meet. Often there is a gap between people we are attracted
to and the people that are attracted to us. Ask yourself if the things
you are attracted to in a man are unrealistic. Do the things that you
hold important match the men that you are agreeing to going on a date
with? Are you sacrificing values that are important to you just to be
on a date? Such as choosing to go on a date with a person who smokes
because he meets other qualities that you like, but you are a non smoker.
Be very clear about what things are important to you, what I call
the “non negotiable” in a potential partner.
Make a list of 12 things that
you value. Values such as non smoker, athletic, strong family connections,
interesting hobbies, passion for work etc. Once you have a clear
list of 12 things pick one per month that you can work on in yourself.
So if you pick family connections, how can you take a step to have a
closer connection with your own family.
The purpose of this exercise
is to take the pressure off meeting the perfect partner and instead
focusing on improving yourself. And who knows what can happen when the
pressure is off!
Ask Lisa a question at firstname.lastname@example.org
Lisa de Lusignan MA, RPC
Lifestyle Coach and Counselo